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Family · May 5, 2016

How to Handle When Your Child Doesn’t Want to Go to School

These days if it's not one thing it's 10. My kids love school, then they hate it, then they love it again! We've gone through some very rough periods (in fact, we're going through one as I write this), but what is the best way to handle when your child doesn't want to go to school?

Could it be they don't like the teacher, or are being bullied? Here are some possible issues and ways you can help.

 

I think the first thing you have to do is get to the why.

Is it because of a negative experience they're having? As bullying is so rampant these days, I always want to check on that first. I ask my kids if there is anyone or anything that is making them uncomfortable or not feeling safe, and I let them know that it is never okay for another person to put their hands on them in any way.

Are they struggling with a certain subject? Sometimes when kids are having trouble with a subject, they internalize rather than get help, and that can be frustrating. I try to make sure they know they can always ask me to help with their school work (although I can't say that I'm very good at it nowadays, thanks Common Core!) and that they need to talk with their teacher. I remind them that's their teacher's job is to help them understand their work, that's what they get paid for, so they shouldn't have to be afraid to ask for help, ever.

Would they rather just stay home? I think this happens for a variety of reasons. Kids can go through times when they just want the comfort of home and family (or as I tell my girls, you just miss your mommy!). It can be especially tough if they've already been home sick to get back into the swing of things. After all, seeing what goes on at home outside of school is great to a kid, right? Like we moms are home doing all kinds of fun stuff, ha ha!

 

Once you know the why, you can focus on the how to help them want to go to school.

Talk about what's bothering them. If they are having serious issues like bullying or having trouble with a subject (or even a teacher) then you'll need to take charge and get the school officials involved. Let your child know that you are there to help and they won't have to go through this alone.

I'm typically a pretty non confrontational person (but I'm Italian, so you can only push me so far before I snap, LOL), but one year I  had an issue with my daughters teacher. My daughter was bringing her handmade bracelets to school and selling them, and she didn't know this was against the rules. Heck, I used to do that when I was in school…made me a cool $14.25 in the 5th grade! Anyway, her teacher called her out in the hall and made her feel just terrible, like she should have known better, blah blah blah. Had my daughter in tears, and told her she had to go sit at a separate table at lunch where the kids go who misbehave.  My daughter isn't a troublemaker, she's a good kid who really didn't know that rule (neither did I..we were told it was in the school handbook but after reading it from cover to cover, I didn't find anything) so in my opinion she could have been let off with a warning.

So needless to say, after emailing the teacher back and forth a couple of times, I called and talked to the principal, letting her know that my daughter would NOT be sitting at the troublemakers table at lunch. End of story. After an apology from the principal as to why I was never even notified about the incident (If my daughter is doing something wrong, why wasn't I notified? Especially since I make it clear every year that I am THAT kind of parent, I want to be informed if my kids are having troubles of any kind) we managed to get through the rest of that year without any further issues. My point is, we have to have our kids backs, and they have to know that no matter what is going on, mama bear is there for them and will always show up.

Go over tomorrow's plan at bedtime. It always helps my kids to be able to talk out their feelings (which of course they have more of at bedtime!) and I like to make sure they know what's on the agenda for the next day. Being prepared for tomorrow's events can help create a sense of peace, because they know what to expect, so there will (hopefully) be no surprises. That being said, you'll likely have to put a time limit on this event or you'll be getting to bed yourself around midnight.

Make sure they're getting enough time with you. This one is big, and I think it can help alleviate the “I just wanna stay home” attitude if your child is getting enough time with you. Of course they'll miss you, and that's okay, but they won't feel like they're missing out if they are getting that quality attention. Spending extra time playing games, watching movies or just hanging out, as well as a special date out can work wonders for a kid's attitude!

 

I know it can be a rough time handling when your child doesn't want to go to school, but trust me, this too shall pass. Hopefully these tips have been helpful, and feel free to let us know of any suggestions you have in the comments!

 

Disclosure: I'm just a regular mom sharing my ideas and tips on what's worked for me and my family. This is in no way meant to take the place of medical or psychological advice, if you are having serious trouble with your child please see a professional.
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Comments

  1. Jasmine Hewitt says

    May 5, 2016 at 11:47 am

    These are awesome tips and I would have done the same about the troublemaker table

    Reply
    • Kimi Clark says

      May 5, 2016 at 1:32 pm

      The Mama bear definitely came out, LOL. Thanks for reading Jasmine!

      Reply
  2. Doris says

    May 5, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    Such a great post. We all will have to struggle with that kind of problem.
    Doris from http://www.my-cutie-pie.com

    Reply
    • Kimi Clark says

      May 5, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      Thanks so much Doris, I appreciate you visiting! 🙂

      Reply
  3. A do says

    May 5, 2016 at 7:58 pm

    A trouble maker table? Who comes up with these things?! It actually blows my mind that they even have one of those, and I would have been upset as well if I found out they were trying to place my child there for an honest mistake.

    Thanks for this list. My son has been having trouble with this recently and we think it’s a combo of the perception of a bully (he’s two and we found out the three year olds like to play chase— my son thinks kids are trying to be mean when they chase him). So we’ve been working on explaining to him that they are not trying to scare him and that he can tell them not to chase.

    But I didn’t think about the last one until I read it, and a light bulb went off. I’m definitely going to try and up his one on one attention and see if that helps!

    Reply
    • Kimi Clark says

      May 5, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      Of course the school doesn’t call it the troublemaker table, but that’s what all the kids refer to it as. I couldn’t believe that they were trying to send her there either when she wasn’t intentionally misbehaving.

      I hope your son starts doing better, it’s great that you’re explaining things to him…I know some kids really don’t like being chased (I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t either, ha ha!). I’m sure he will love the extra attention from you as well, be sure to come back and leave an update! Thanks so much for reading! 🙂

      Reply
  4. Crystal says

    May 6, 2016 at 7:15 am

    Wow! Way to crush the entrepreneurial spirit of a child! I would be asking that principal to show me where it was in the handbook and requesting that teacher apologize to my child! I have one in particular that would be really crushed by getting in trouble over something like that because she is never in trouble. My 17-year-old hates school and threatens to quit a lot. I tell him that is fine, he can if he wants, but he needs to make sure he finds a job, apartment, and vehicle before he does because he won’t be living here, employed by his grandpa, or driving our pick-up. He never quits, but we still have to have this discussion at least every couple months.

    Reply
    • Kimi Clark says

      May 6, 2016 at 8:38 am

      I know, right Chrystal? That what I thought, too…nothing like punishing a child for having a creative mind! Best of luck with your son, looks like you’re steering him in the right direction. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your comment. 🙂

      Reply

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